MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

Act 1 Scene 3

(Enter Don John the bastard and Conrad, his companion)
l1l	Conrad	 What the goodyear, my lord, why are you thus
l2l		out of measure sad?
l3l	Don John	There is no measure in the occasion that breeds
l4l		it, therefore the sadness is without limit.
l5l	Conrad	You should hear reason.
l6l	Don John	And when I have heard it, what blessing brings
l7l		it?
l8l	Conrad	If not a present remedy, at least a patient
l9l		sufferance.
l10l	Don John	I wonder that thou—being, as thou sayst thou
l11l		art, born under Saturn—goest about to apply a moral
l12l		medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide what
l13l		I am. I must be sad when I have cause, and smile at
l14l		no man’s jests# eat when I have stomach, and wait for
l15l		no man’s leisure# sleep when I am drowsy, and tend
l16l		on no man’s business# laugh when I am merry, and
l17l		claw no man in his humour.
l18l	Conrad	Yea, but you must not make the full show of this
l19l		till you may do it without controlment. You have of
l20l		late stood out against your brother, and he hath ta’en
l21l		you newly into his grace, where it is impossible you
l22l		should take true root but by the fair weather that you
l23l		make yourself. It is needful that you frame the season
l24l		for your own harvest.
l25l	Don John	I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a
l26l		rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be
l27l		disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love
l28l		from any. In this, though I cannot be said to be a
l29l		flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am
l30l		a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a muzzle, and
l31l		enfranchised with a clog. Therefore I have decreed not
l32l		to sing in my cage. If I had my mouth I would bite. If
l33l		I had my liberty I would do my liking. In the mean
l34l		time, let me be that I am, and seek not to alter me.
l35l	Conrad	Can you make no use of your discontent?
l36l	Don John	I make all use of it, for I use it only. Who
l37l		comes here?
		(Enter Borachio)
l38l		What news, Borachio?
l39l	Borachio	I came yonder from a great supper. The Prince
l40l		your brother is royally entertained by Leonato, and I
l41l		can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.
l42l	Don John	Will it serve for any model to build mischief
l43l		on? What is he for a fool that betroths himself to
l44l		unquietness?
l45l	Borachio	Marry, it is your brother’s right hand.
l46l	Don John	Who, the most exquisite Claudio?
l47l	Borachio	Even he.
l48l	Don John	A proper squire. And who, and who? Which
l49l		way looks he?
l50l	Borachio	Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of
l51l		Leonato.
l52l	Don John	A very forward March chick. How came you
l53l		to this?
l54l	Borachio	Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was
l55l		smoking a musty room comes me the Prince and
l56l		Claudio hand in hand, in sad conference. I whipped
l57l		me behind the arras, and there heard it agreed upon
l58l		that the Prince should woo Hero for himself and, having
l59l		obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.
l60l	Don John	Come, come, let us thither. This may prove
l61l		food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all
l62l		the glory of my overthrow. If I can cross him any way
l63l		I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will
l64l		assist me?
l65l	Conrad	To the death, my lord.
l66l	Don John	Let us to the great supper. Their cheer is the
l67l		greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were o’ my
l68l		mind. Shall we go prove what’s to be done?
l69l	Borachio	We’ll wait upon your lordship.
		(Exeunt)